Now where was I?

Its been so long...I should just go back and read what and when I wrote last. Nah. New day.

Its dreary and cold in Indiana. Typical for January. We are all begging for sunshine. Maybe I should just go tan? That DOES help. We'll see.

Its been a BLAH week for me. Not sure if there is a single reason, or many. Probably several things that contribute to it all.

The boys had the flu last weekend. Mark and I then had a 'touch' of it...nothing major. Just feeling kinda "off" for a couple days.

I'm back on Weight Watchers. My friend Pam suggests that maybe my body is regulating itself to this new "lifestyle change" (NEVER say "diet")...she could be right. I've not entirely eliminated sweets from the menu, but I've drastically reduced the intake. So maybe I"m on a sugar-meltdown of sorts. ? I don't know. I just know I thought I should be feeling "good" by now. I've lost almost 20 lbs. Psychologically I do feel good, but physically I still feel 'blah.'

I do know I need to be moving. As in EXERCISE. But for whatever reason, I just CANNOT seem to get with it. I know I MUST. I KNOW I will feel better. I know this because I've done it. But STARTING, like with any other new thing in my life, is just hard.

But I gotta.

I've also been sort off my game w/ my card designs. Have this feeling of dread about even THINKING about working on anything. Well, at least that's how its been for the most part. There are snippets of motivation, but they are fleeting. I even cleaned and rearranged my craftroom; initially thinking that would inspire creativity. But no. It hasn't. Just the opposite.

Now I wonder, "what in the world will I do with my time, if I don't do cards?" I've been so consumed by that hobby for so long now, I just don't know what else interests me. Maybe I should consider cleaning my house. Nah.

I do know that at least some of this funk is due to lack of time in the Word. I'm truly convicted about this. So I will remedy it by making time every day for it. I have several great studies waiting for me...that will only be enhanced by reading the scripture.

So, we'll see how the Lord will reveal Himself to me in the days ahead. I"m looking forward to it.

He is the author of creativity, after all. Maybe I'll find a whole new level of passion for my hobby, and find a way to bless people.

I'll let you know how it goes.

Starting AGAIN...

New thoughts, new attitudes, new THINGS...coming soon!

Sunny Thursday

It IS a sunny day in Indiana, but its irritatingly cold. Again. Still. Sigh.

The family is actually well right now. Something I'm hoping we hang on to for a while. We've really been blessed to have very little of all the stuff that flies around...just minor stuff here and there. Connor usually gets the worst of it, and this winter has been no exception. But he's fine as frog's hair right now, and we're thanking God for that.

Connor and I went to have lunch with Colton today at school. He was tickled pink for us to be there. Mark will probably go next week, and we'll try to do it several times now till the end of the school year. One of the lunch ladies said of Colton, "This is the SWEETEST boy. He is so well-mannered, so kind, and always has a smile on his face! Good job, mom!"

Well, yes, I had a prideful moment just then. But it IS true of Colton. He IS just a sweet boy, and always cheerful. Even when he was a baby people said that of him, that he had the brightest countenence. He still does. He's rarely 'in the dumps' -- and even when he gets there (if he doesn't get his way about something) he does not stay there. Before long he's back at it.

And he has such a great talent for making everyone feel liked, regardless of their age. Younger/older...doesn't matter to him. He assumes everyone likes him and would want him to participate in whatever they are doing. He is truly a gift.

I've been faithfully moving this week. Not joyfully, mind you, but moving none-the-less. I missed Saturday and Sunday, but have done something every day since. I've been preoccupied w/ lots of other things so I've sort of put it off, or find myself pressed for time...so I've really relied on the "Walk Strong" online video that is available to Leslie's club members. I joined, for $30 for the year, rationalizing that its much cheaper than a gym membership, I get a new workout every month, plus lots of extra workouts if I want to do them (who am I kidding?), and discounts on her stuff.

So the "Walk Strong" workout is only 30 minutes, but its 'interval' training...meaning brisk walking, with little breaks for using weights. I did it last week, "as is", starting out with 15.5oz cans of beans b/c I don't have 1-lb weights. So I did the routine w/ my beans. Then after a couple days thought I could manage with the 2-lb weights I have. So I started using those.

Then this week, I opted to carry the weights during the entire workout -- walking AND strength training. And by the end, I am DRIPPING. And plum pooped.

Thing is, why don't I feel ENERGIZED after that? Rather than that I'd like to just go lay down? I'm really anxious to feel that.

I will probably do that workout again this evening. Its equal to 'about' a 2-mile walk, or maybe a little more w/ the weight thing added in. (per Leslie)...so I'm not getting the same distance that I could be by doing the "4 Fast Miles" or the "Advanced 5 Miles" -- but its really a workout all the same.

Tomorrow I'm going to TRY to do the 4- or 5-mile workout in the AM. I'm scheduled for some oral surgery tomorrow afternoon, and I anticipate that I won't be in the mood for much on Saturday. Just a guess. (having a wisdom tooth pulled, and some other icky procedure that will not be a walk in the park).

Anyway, I'm listening to reason and reading lots of blogs and msg board posts on a couple websites about not giving up. Even when you don't see results, DON'T GIVE UP. So, I won't. Just wish it would pay off sooner.

Whine. Sniff.

So enough of all that. Time to get some laundry started and figure out what will be on for supper tonight. (I really don't like to cook! Have I ever said that before??)

Have a great day everyone. I'll try to pop in again next week.

Another Cold Monday...

...and with that, despite the beautiful sunshine, is a dreary attitude that is struggling to do the right thing...with exercise, that is.

Why is this demon continually haunting and tormenting me? Will this be a life-long struggle? Or will I, one day, just wake up, hit the floor running, ANTICIPATING this? Boy I'd love to think so.

I missed Saturday AND Sunday this week. And boy is it hard to get focused to get back on track after missing only TWO days!

But I'm heading that direction...walking with Leslie...and you know what, if I poop out after only 3 miles, and don't go 5...well, its a start, right? Its 'something' -- which is better than giving up altogether.

Thing is, I just hate WAITING for things to happen. I naively expect fast results for my efforts...but I have to remind myself that LITTLE things add up, over time...that it took 2 years for Chantel Hobbs to lose 200 lbs! TWO HUNDRED POUNDS! Which means that with continued commitment to moving, and then improving what I'm putting IN, means I could have 80 lbs off in a year...which means a slow, SLOW loss of about 8 lbs +/- a month...but then, I'm not really watching the scale. I'm watching for my clothes to fit looser. THAT is a good marker for me...but so far, I've not seen much. That's discouraging.

But, I'm not giving up. I think I'm just unrealistic in my expectations of myself (as usual)...so I need to re-focus on the good this is surely doing, and just stick to it.

I have a dental appt today...not looking forward to it. Dr. Kinney is great -- and a great friend -- but I just hate the procedures. I have to have a crown, then next week, 13th, a wisdom tooth removed. That oughta be fun.

Connor is improved with the pink eye...but we'll continue with drops for 7 days, as well as the Amoxicillin for the ear infection. Poor kid. When he gets it -- he gets it.

Happy Monday, friends.

Monday

I did it again. Five miles, I mean. Yippee! It IS cause for celebration, considering I really had to MAKE myself do it...and considering I'm feeling fat and frumpy as ever. PMS? Probably, but I hate the feeling anyway, even if there is a logical and physiological explanation for it.

I just wish I could SEE results already. I know I have a LONG way to go, but I just wish I felt there was some progress. I'm watchng for my clothes to fit better...or at the very least, I'm anxious to get into the things I wore 2 summers ago....a whole size smaller than what I've become...meaning I gained all of 25-30 lbs back...boo hoo.

You all know that I am the consummate DESTINATION PERSON....I just really don't enjoy a journey. The only one I can say I am enjoying is the one I'm on in raising my kids...of course it ain't without its stresses and challenges (duh), but its mostly fun. I'm gratified to see my girls getting poised to strike out on their own...and my boys are just plain fun.

But for ME, the growING part of BEING is hard...

But, I did it anyway. And I'll have to be patient for the results.

I suppose that's enough whining for today...I'll post this, and then will consider popping on again when I have something positive and uplifting to say.

I do wish anyone reading this a GREAT MONDAY...and a great week ahead.

Thursday's Musings

Well, here we are again...dreading moving. I must say, tho, that Connor is inspiring me..."extracise" as he calls it. Funny.

So, I'll go see if I can do something. Anything.

Thing is, I really need to go to the store; I hate to get all sweaty b/c then I have to clean up. I really do not enjoy primping. Is that an age thing? I'd really rather just wash and go...no makeup, no hair fix, ... just go. But I do have SOME pride.

So, I will report back on what I manage to do today. Might be nothing more than a mile...but I'll do it.

Too much silence??

Well, I've put off writing for a variety of reasons. One, I'm trying to really limit my time on the computer. When I do avoid it, I really avoid it. For a whole day at least!

Two, I just haven't had anything to whine about. And I don't figure there's any need to whine. Or at least that people do not want to read my whining.

As for my resolve to MOVE more...well, I have done fair. Did not make it today due to a short morning and having to be out of the house for Bible study...but yesterday, I'm happy to gloat, I did FIVE MILES with Leslie Sansone! In my own bedroom! I did 5 one-mile segments on the DVD I have. Not bad. I worked up a sweat, to be sure, as my hips and rear were KILLING me. That's gotta be a good thing, right?

I really did not FEEL like doing it at all..but MADE myself, and then was happy I did it. Thing is, I'm not feeling especially 'better' over all -- not a ton of energy (and I'm supposed to, right?)...not sleeping better at night...? So that is kind of discouraging. I want it NOW.

I am not focused on the weight loss...that'll only REALLY depress me...but I am focusing on MOVING more consistently. That's gotta be good in and of itself.

In other news...
Mark is heading home from Chicago as we speak. It was a short trip, to finalize connections for a big loan up there...next week he's in CA; week after that...I am not sure. I do think he is out of town for a couple days every week now for several running.

The thing I dread most about that is having to do Colton's factor infusions. Its not that I "can't" do it...its just that I don't like having to do it...and Colton really prefers Mark to do it. So, I dread that.

Other thing is that until Kate gets a car of her own, we have one between us when Mark is gone (he drives and parks at the airport)...so if she has to work in an evening when I also have somewhere to be...its a bit complicated and inconvenient. Hopefully soon she'll have her own wheels and this will no longer be an issue.

So, there you have it. The lastest and greatest news from our front.

Drop a line and let me know how you are doing. I'll let you know when Leslie and I make 5 miles again (hopefully tomorrow!)