DRAGGING

Okay...I need a shot here. I'm DREADING getting moving...and its 10AM! I can easily find every excuse to delay what I know I MUST do....and here I sit. There are no excuses...Mark just left for a biz trip; Connor is happily watching "Ironman"; Colton and Kate are at school....My list of things-to-do is long, and I LONG to get to it. I LONG to get my craft room cleaned and organized so I can just relax in MY SPACE...

But I must get my rear in gear and get in there and MOVE IT.

I'm asking for a little prayer here, Friends. I was disappointed to find that a pr of jeans I tried to put on yesterday was not cooperating. That was really a blow. And I just wore them a month ago. Yes, they were snug, but I could still move and breathe, and sit down! LOL...but yesterday, it wasn't happening.

That's what so hard about all this...is that its just SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO SLOW in coming off. I can gain 5 lbs in a week, but it takes a month to work it off. Its just not fair.

whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...

So, I don't really expect you to nurse me along here. I just need to vent this whining to something...not necessarily someONE. I know what I have to do, so I gotta just go do it. I know I'll be pleased with myself once I'm done, and each day SHOULD get a little easier (right?? PLEASE TELL ME YES!)...then I can reward myself with some scrapbooking time, AND time to work on this room.

So, as for you all...have a great Tuesday. I'll report on my accomplishment...I'll go 2 miles with Leslie today, and maybe dance with Chantel's music for a few. Now THAT'S hysterical...good thing I'm all alone in my room...but now that I think of it, maybe I'll just do that for a while. Its kinda fun, and you really DO get your heart rate up!

Either way, I'll let you know that I did it.

Now, you go do what you oughta be doing!

SMALL steps...and without excitement

That pretty much says it...I'm still taking SMALL, SMALL SMALL steps...and living in my typical fantasy world....which is where, I should admit, I usually get very discouraged and give up.

Will I this time? I've asked myself that question a couple times today, even during my 'beginner' 2 mile walk with Leslie. It was all I could do to DO IT...late start, other things calling my name today (the loudest of whom is Connor -- who is sick)...but there are so many things I need to do, WANT to do today, I just really struggled getting in front of the TV to walk.

BUT I DID IT. Hooray for me. I'll celebrate this even if I'm the only one -- tho I know there are others who'll pat me on the back, too! Thing is, I just wish I could SEE results NOW. There are none...

I am not sleeping well at night. I thought that was supposed to be a bonus...but for the past week (at least) Mark and I both are awake at 3,4AM...sometimes for two hours...yes, I do get up and spend time praying (how spiritually mature of me!), but honestly I'd really like to sleep. (how humanly selfish of me).

Granted, I am in Day Two of my cycle...which seems to be worse as I get older, for intensity. (That's all I'll say on that)...but the first two days are totally, truly CRUMMY. I feel bloated, FAT, sloppy, tired, nee exhausted...and have less motivation than usual to get anything done.

Think that's "it"? That this too shall pass, and that by Sunday I'll be back to feeling better? Its just been such a long time that I've been MOVING at all, and esp during my cycle, that I just don't know what I should be expecting/feeling. I'd like to be feeling that all this effort is paying off NOW...

I don't have the guts to weigh myself...I'm relying on finding changes in how my clothes fit. BUT WHEN???

Anyway, I DID IT. Even tho I didn't "feel" like doing it. I moved for 30 mins. Less vigorously. probably, than yesterday, but it was a victory just doing it. And yes, I'm pleased I did it.

Connor is sick today. Not nigh-unto-death sick, thank the Lord...but his asthma flared up, OR, he got a cold and it was made worse b/c he has asthma...not sure which is which. But at any rate, he has this nasty cold. Runny, runny nose (rubbed/wiped nearly raw), cough (which is loose now, but started as a 'bark'), no temp today (low-grade yesterday). He really knows how to play the helpless card. "Get me a drink", "I need my bucket" (this is for if he gags and pukes -- which he frequently does)...he can be pretty demanding. HOWEVER, let me point out, that this does NOT get me running to meet every demand! Nope. If he can walk he can get it himself. AT least most of the time! (I would not make a very good nurse!)

Mark is BUSY BUSY BUSY. Its really setting up to be a very good year...at least a very good first quarter. To me, its clearly an answer to prayer...that Prayer of Jabez you know...also that the Lord would give him the desires of his heart. Part of 'that', I know, is to have success and favor with those he networks with...and I see all that coming to pass. It will be exciting to see it all unfold.

Kate has had minimal success with her new job hunt...she has an interview at O'Charley's tomorrow afternoon...I'm praying for God's best...but also just for a JOB. We all know they are hard to come by these days...but still I'm praying for a great new opportunity for her...and of course praying for her future. I'm sitll plagued by the "how" part of what's next for her. Mark is determined to not help her go into debt by co-signing loans for college...so then "how"? I do not disagree with him "in theory" but in practics...well, hm....Truly it'll take God's provision and clear direction to make a way where, right now, there seems to be none. (I think, Sarah, you can relate!?)

For me, and speaking of Sarah...she's got me looking into digital scrapbooking. I think it might be a good thing...so I'm sort of itching to try. I've got to do SOMETHING to get moving toward getting Kate's album going forward...right now, I'm at a stand-still (one of those things on my list today)...

We shall see.

I'll quit rambling right now.

Oh, one more thing...my friend Phyllis told me about a product she's using that has made a world of difference in her life -- at least physically. Its a company called "Isagenix" (I think that's how you spell it)..she's lost 65 lbs in a year, and feels better than she has in ages. If you'd like to know more, let me know and I will have Phyllis contact you with more info.

Have a great Friday. I'll be back as soon as I feel like myself...at least to confirm that I actually DO feel better. And I'll let you know as soon as my pants feel too big!

Wednesday, 21st

Nothing earth shattering today...2nd real week of our new study, "Becoming a Vessel God Can Use" by Donna Partow. Its a great book...I can highly recommend it.

We have a great group of gals...probably will land with about 10, plus me. I'm really looking forward to getting to know them all.

I did not get my exercise in today. I'm figuring Wed is going to be my 'off' day, just between getting the boys moving, getting myself dressed and then Connor and me out the door by 8:30'ish in order to be to church on time for the study. Oh well. If I do get in some movement the other 6 days, I'm still well on-track.

I was awake from 3-5am today...layed in bed for a while, tossing and turning, till I finally got up and sat in my chair. I have a beloved glider/rocker that is just like a cloud...so its where I go for my quiet time, and like this AM, when I cannot sleep. Its a great place to pray. I try to redeem the time...and did today.

I pray for whomever comes to mind -- but generally my kids. I'm so 'in angst' about the girls right now...for them to KNOW God's direction and provision...for them to SEE Him working on their behalf, opening doors and providing good opportunities...and then for COURAGE to move ahead. I'm not really "worried" about them, but I am imploring God to work in their worlds. There are a few things that would qualify as miracles -- at least as far as I'm concerned. Its nothing to the Lord, I know, but there are a couple details I'm watching for!

Thanks for praying for me and mine...I know you have your own 'issues' to discuss with the Lord, but thanks for bringing us to Him when we come to mind. That's what the Body is for!!

Tuesday

Thanks to all of you who have taken a few minutes out of your busy lives to catch up on mine!

We're off to a fairly good start today...back to school, happily for Colton and Connor, and less so for Kate. She's got Senior-itis, I think. She's ready to be done...

Connor starting 'barking' this morning...a sure sign that a cold is coming on. He has asthma, so when this starts we can usually bank on him being pretty punky. But I got him on the nebulizer this AM, with both his meds, and so far it seems under control. He wasn't coughing a lot, but 'hard' when he did. Hopefully, with another Xopenex treatment at noon, we'll keep him heading away from the worst of it. Just have to keep him inside so he doesn't breathe in too much cold air.

He wanted me to watch a Star Wars movie with him...which I could not resist. Not for the movie, mind you...but for just sitting next to him. Our days are numbered....next year he'll be in all-day Kindergarten! I am not feeling that great about that...I really like this little guy! LOL Most of the time he tolerates my affections...like kissing him all over his sweet little face...then other times, he'll say "Moommmmm...get off me!" Just like a boy, eh? Anyway, we watched together for a while, then I got up and got in a 2 mile walk with Leslie Sansone.

Why is it so hard to just DO IT??? I'm so pleased w/ myself when I do, but DOING IT is so hard. What is up with that???

Krissi spent the weekend with Gr'ma and Gr'pa Driver in Linn Grove. I'm so glad she was able to go...and it was really just her. None of the cousins were there, so she enjoyed time alone w/ them. She said she and Grandma looked through old pictures, and she found some school things of Mike's that she brought away with her. I know this was a very special time for each of them.

Kate is still in the investigative mode for what to do next...although now it appears she's set her sights on attending Ball State University, just up the road, and getting a degree in Elem. Music education. Plus, she might begin teaching Kindermusik, under the awesome guidance of our dear friend here, Maestro Kim Bemis! I don't know why I didn't think of this before...Kate would be great at that, and its great experience. Plus, once she's licensed she can teach KM anywhere! So, we'll see where that goes. She is also looking for another job...she is not getting enough hours at Old Navy, so she's put apps in at several restaurants. I told her that in this economy, people might be shopping less, but lots are still eating out. I think with her personality she could really charm some folks and, with good service, get some incredible tips. So we'll see about that, too.

I'd appreciate your prayers for each of the girls. They are both a critical juntions in life -- Kris graduating from college and facing REAL life; and Kate from hs, looking to follow her giftings and find some direction for them. I'll keep you posted!

Mark is traveling a lot this year...and already has a busy rest-of-the-winter, into March. It appears we will not make it to FL this winter ( I know...you're all disappointed for us!)...but he's traveling enough that we just can't seem to find a solid week...plus, we are focusing our extra $ on getting the basement done. But in all that, business has been incredibly good. Interest rates are down, so churches are in the market for re-fi'ing and getting their construction underway. If you know of anyone needing $$ for either, please holler. Mark can either serve them directly, or refer them to the person working that particular area of the country.

Okay...enough for now. I must go...I am spending a little quality time with my friend Pam Ellis. Remember Jim and Pam in your prayers...Jim will begin chemo THIS FRIDAY...he has been diagnosed w/ liver cancer...but our God is bigger than that...and we're asking for His touch on Jim! You can follow their "adventure" at www.adventureellis.blogspot.com They are full of faith, but need all the prayer support we can muster!

Blessings on your Tuesday!

Flowers for My Father (article)

I understand it’s been raining where you are….I mean REALLY raining. Life-storms can
sure dump on a person, can’t they? I know all about that.

Recently I found a little verse in Psalm 71:20—“Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again.” David knew about storms. And like him, many of us have had our share of “troubles, many and bitter.”

I’ve certainly had my portion.

I lost my husband to cancer. Ten weeks from start to finish. Yes, it was hard. It was a tornado. Yes, that storm re-arranged life as I knew it. But it has long since settled down and God has restored many things.

I struggled to regain my strength after a stroke. The neurologist told me I should have died. I didn’t. That storm wreaked havoc in my life. But, like David, I knew God would restore my life again.

He did. And today, though I should be dead, you would never know I ever had that stroke.

The year after I married again, our newborn son was diagnosed with severe Hemophilia. We were not prepared for that deluge…and we wondered if we would make it. But we did, and we have learned to navigate those uncharted waters.

In spite of the heavy rains in my life, there has been an abundance of blessing…sort of the “flowers after the showers.”

I have seen the FAITHFULNESS of God and I have seen my own FAITH grow. I know that regardless of what the storm looks like, my anchor is held firm in my Rock and my Salvation. What He promises, He will do.

I have learned to LAUGH and to have joy in the middle of the downpour. Proverbs 17:22 tells us, “A cheerful heart is good medicine.” I have a cheerful heart and it is well with my soul. Laughter of the heart can transcend the deepest grief.

There have been lessons in OBEDIENCE. What peace there is in obeying God’s call, and obeying His word to stand firm! A portion of Deuteronomy 6:3 tells us to “…Be careful to obey. Then all will go well with you.” God knows what He’s doing when He leads me down a path that’s unfamiliar. He made the map…I will trust His directions. I will have no fear and it will go well with me.

I discovered a new level of WORSHIP. Psalm 108:3-5 — “I will praise you, O LORD, among the nations; I will sing of you among the peoples. For great is your love, higher than the heavens; your faithfulness reaches to the skies. Be exalted, O God, above the heavens, and let your glory be over all the earth.”Worship opens our hearts to God in new and intimate ways. It allows Him to fill us with his love, forgiveness and healing.

I know how to EMPATHIZE with others who've been through storms. I understand grief. I understand physical pain. I understand fear of the unknown. I understand depression.

I’ve learned that through my heartache, I can offer help and hope as others face similar trials. Galatians 6:2 (NLT) calls us to “Share each other’s troubles and problems, and in this way obey the law of Christ.” If we’ve “been there, done that”, as Christ-followers it’s our call to share the pain of our brothers and sisters and walk alongside them in their struggle.

I have learned to REST in the peace of God. “When you demand answers, you sacrifice peace.” That’s His word to my aching spirit. There is REST when you leave the answers up to Him. I rejoice in the REST found in His strength, care and in the miracle of His life-changing power.

One more thing I’ve found is STRENGTH. I have learned that, like Paul, “I can do everything with the help of Christ who gives me the strength I need.” (Philippians 4:13, NLT). When God calls me to pain, He provides the power I need to get through it. I am stronger now than before the showers.

Have you noticed? My discoveries spell F-L-O-W-E-R-S. It’s a mixed bouquet, but I’m tying a ribbon around it and offering it to my Father. I think He’ll love it!

Model Open (article)

MODEL OPEN

Ephesians 4:1 – “Therefore I, a prisoner for serving the Lord, beg you to lead a life worthy of your calling…”(NLT)


I live in a small but fast-growing suburb of Chicago. New-home subdivisions and retail developments are popping up nearly every time you turn around. Go away for a week or two and when you come home—voila!—something new on a once-vacant corner.

In some of the new subdivisions one of the first things you’ll see is a Model Home. Often there’s a row of houses, showcasing the various styles available from the developer. The idea is to create a desire, a picture of what could be for you and your family. You may see a flag or banner shouting the invitation, “Model Open!” Once inside, you’ll see the builder and decorator have pulled out all the stops to entice you to buy the lifestyle they are selling.

As followers of Jesus Christ, we are the models the world will view. Like the lifestyle a new home offers, life in Christ offers a beauty and a peace we cannot enjoy living the old way.

Do our lives reflect God’s grace, His forgiveness and His mercy? Do our lives model Christ-like values and attitudes that create a desire in others to have what we have; or do we demonstrate the aggressive behavior that has become part of our culture?

Road rage is a term we’re familiar with these days. But how about check-out-lane-rage?

You’re in a hurry at the grocery store. You get in the Express Lane with your limit of 12 items. There is someone in front of you who obviously cannot read the sign or count – she has 15 items. You know because you counted them. What do you do?

Do you: a) Shift your weight impatiently from one foot to the other; b) Sigh loudly; c) Look at the people behind you and roll your eyes; or d) Mumble, “Come on,” under your breath, but loud enough for those behind you to hear, and agree with you!

Some of us might think, “These people don’t know me.” But how can we be sure?

What are the chances one of these shoppers visited your church and you didn’t see them but they saw you? I know as a former member of a worship team, I could not possibly see all the faces in the congregation…but they certainly could see me. More than likely, they would recognize me outside the context of the church.

There are many non-believers who think Christians are a bunch of hypocrites. Without the Spirit of Christ dwelling in us, we easily fall prey to the pressures of our busy lives and become impatient. We can forget that we are called to BE Christ to a dying world and to model His love and grace to people who don’t know Him.

I want my life to be worthy of the calling of Christ Jesus. I want my life to shout the irresistible invitation, “This model is open. See Jesus inside.”

Take The Keys Out of The Door (article)

I recently read a story about a woman who heard a knock at her front door. She looked out the peephole to see a man standing there. She asked who it was and he replied that he had a package for her. She asked to see the package. Then she asked to see his ID. He wearily said to her, “Lady, if I wanted to break into your house, I would have just used these.” He pulled out the keys she’d left in the door.

This makes me think about my spiritual life. It causes me to think about those areas of my life that are vulnerable to the enemy. I often think that just because I haven’t committed any heinous crimes that I am above blame. I am so careful to guard against the blatant temptations of life and I am eager to believe I have my “house” locked up tighter than Fort Knox. But it isn’t that simple.

Like many of you, I stand condemned of at least a few of the “Seven Deadly Sins”: PRIDE, ENVY, GLUTTONY, LUST, ANGER, GREED, SLOTH. I am only fooling myself to think otherwise. It certainly isn’t fooling God.

Its so easy for me to view myself as a model of spiritual perfection because I want to think sin is only things I do. This attitude is tantamount to leaving the keys in the door of my heart, knowing the enemy of my soul is watching and waiting for an opportunity to walk in and pull up a chair. Ephesians chapter 4, verse 27 tells us, "don't give the devil an opportunity." What are we doing that is, indeed, giving the devil an opportunity?

We are like the Pharisees Jesus warned in Matthew 23: 25-28 – “…You are so careful to clean the outside of the cup and the dish, but inside you are filthy – full of greed and self-indulgence!” And, “You are light whitewashed tombs – beautiful on the outside but filled on the inside with dead people’s bones and all sorts of impurity. You try to look like upright people outwardly but inside your hearts are filled with hypocrisy and lawlessness.”

Pretty harsh words, don’t you think? But I know in my heart of hearts, this often applies to my own life. My failures come in my attitudes toward others whose sin is “worse” than mine. They come by my attitude toward my husband or children when things don’t go my way. I am guilty of impatience as I’m driving down the streets of my city, or standing in line at the grocery store.

To believe my human weaknesses are not sin is a danger to my walk with Christ. The Spirit that dwells within me deserves a place that’s surrendered completely to His will and to His Presence. He cannot live where sin abounds. By overlooking the “log” in my own eye (Matthew 7:3) I can easily fall prey to Satan’s advances and his goal for subtly wooing me away from my Savior.

I want to take the keys out of the door. I want to do all I can to protect my life from those things that would keep me from all God has for me; to remove any opportunity for the enemy to come in and steal, kill and destroy.

This comes by being wise to the enemy’s schemes and protecting my heart from his lies. It comes from DAILY asking the Holy Spirit to make me aware of those areas that I can so effortlessly ignore or excuse. I want to be a vessel that’s clean on the inside AND on the outside. I want my life to reflect the living presence of the Holy Spirit.

I’m taking my keys out of the door. Where are yours?

ATM (article)

ATM

Recently, while my husband and I and our two boys were running errands, we stopped by our bank’s ATM.

From his car seat, our two year-old asked, “What doing, Daddy?”

His six year-old brother answered, “Daddy’s making money, Connor.”

My husband and I had a nice laugh over that one. Boy, if it were only that easy.

You know, God Himself has an ATM….and what that really means for us is: All That’s Mine.

As a child of God we are “entitled” to all His bounty offers. I don’t mean that in a self-centered way…I, for one, tend to run the other way when it comes to claiming all God has for me. I want the balance of being content in my current circumstances but also living in the plenty God ordains for me.

And notice I said, “in the plenty God ordains for ME.” I believe God gives differing measures of ‘plenty’ to each of us. That’s why we are not all rich, nor are we all in poverty. I don’t have the calculations for any of that, nor do I pretend have a universal explanation for it, but this one thing I know: God gives good gifts to His children.

As a Christ-follower I have at my disposal all God has. It is not based on what I put in: my charity, my gifts of time or talent…nothing. It is all the GRACE of God lavished upon me.

Unlike the bank’s ATM, where I have to make deposits before I can make withdrawals, God’s account for my life is continualy filled by His grace – by the sacrifice of Christ on the Cross, and my acceptance of that Truth and my life in Christ Himself.

Another way to look at this is by considering that God generously supplies All That Matters. This goes WAY beyond the material.

God does not yearn for our comforts. He yearns for our maturity. He offers gifts that will get us closer to that. Gifts that will enable us for the journey. Gifts like:

* Love—John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten son, that whosoever believes on Him will have eternal life.”
* Wisdom—James 1:5 “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him.”
* Peace—John 14:27 “Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you, not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.”
* Comfort—2 Corinthians 1:3, 4 “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation…”
* Forgiveness—Psalm 103:12 “As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us.”
* Deliverance—John 8:36 “Therefore if the Son makes you free, you shall be free indeed.”

Need I say more? The list goes on and on. God’s supply for all that matters is endless.

There are no guarantees that we’ll have all the material possessions we think we ‘need.’ But God’s word does promise us that He will BE all we need in every circumstance of our lives.

What are you asking for? God’s ATM is open 24/7. He offers EVERYTHING that matters – life and hope and peace. What more could you want?

God Moves Mountains

I moved this from the homeschoolblogger:
_________________________________________________________________

Here's something that's been stirring in my head for a long while...finally took time to put it to 'paper':

Sometime ago my husband and I attended an event kicking off a “Capital Campaign” for our church’s building program. At that event, the tangible part of making that sacrificial commitment to give was presented in the form of ‘rocks.’

The point was that God can move mountains…even if its one stone at a time.

I picked a large rock. Small enough to hold in the palm of my hand, but large enough that it wouldn’t be overlooked or lost in a pocket. I knew what we felt challenged to give was, indeed, a huge mountain in our lives. We would need God to move a few stones in order for us to see that pledge fulfilled.

To this day I hold that rock in my hand during my prayer time every morning. There is NOTHING mystical or magical about the rock, but it is merely a physical reminder that the Lord is at work in my life, moving my ‘mountains’ one rock at a time. Sometime those mountains are blasted out of the way, almost miraculously, and other times, He just does it one-rock-at-a-time, over time.

And with that in mind, I bought a bag of creek rocks. My intention is to select a rock, or two or three from that bag, wash them up, and present them to various friends in my life who are facing difficult mountains these days…assuring them that God is at work – CONTINUALLY – and is moved by the prayers of His people, to work and to act in the lives of those in His care.

Certainly we may not see Him at work, but He IS working. When we can’t hear Him, He’s at work. When we can’t feel Him – He’s at work. Always. Never sleeping. Continuously aware of every little detail of our lives, and working to bring all things together for our good.


Please know, Reader, that God IS at work in YOUR life. Every day. The mountains you see all around you are nothing to the One whose strength is great.

So, this week, find yourself a rock. Maybe even a couple. Put them in places you’ll see them often during your busy day. Let those rocks remind you that God is moving mountains on your behalf. Sometimes the wait is long, but in the meantime you are becoming stronger. And one day you’ll realize the mountain isn’t in your horizon any more. God moved it, and now you can continue the journey toward becoming more like Jesus

Starting....again

Well, since we're no longer homeschooling I'm feeling my blog at homeschoolblogger is a bit fraudulent.

SO, with that in mind, I've decided to "take pen in hand" and journal my life once again. Maybe this will inspire some increased movement toward success in many areas. Will anyone read it? I have no idea....maybe it doesn't matter. Maybe its just for me. Either way, I think it'll help.

I really need some accountability for several things...none of which will surprise any of you reading this.

1. To make time for the Word -- every day!
2. To be sensitive to the Holy Spirit as He brings to mind those of you who need prayer
3. To be true to MYSELF in my NEW (for the 100th time) efforts toward healthier choice -- which include FOOD, MOVEMENT, and ATTITUDE.



My goal -- and I do think I should have one, is to lose 80 lbs. I'm tired of making excuses...tired of trying to convince myself that the people who love me do not judge me by my weight -- which is basically true, but its the other people who judge me because of it that bother me! Those of you who DO love me, somehow cannot outweigh the opinions of strangers who don't.

There are days when I can just ignore feeling crappy about myself...I can ignore the shame associated with having gotten here...when so many of the girls I went to college with (never mind HS) are slim and classy and chic. Last time I saw them, I felt AWFUL about myself. And maybe its only because Mark and I are not in the ministry anymore....but there was a clear deliniation of 'classes' -- there's no doubt in my mind. We, or "I" did not measure up. Sure they were 'nice', but they were disconnected.


Of course there is something to be said about going different directions in life and thus having less in common that one once did...so maybe its just that...but "I" felt crummy about myself and really did think it was all about me! (dumb? Probably...but hey, this is truth talking).


Funny, there are PLENTY of women in my life who are less-than-happy with themselves ... and I love them dearly in spite of that...I could not love them more if they were 80 lbs lighter. Its their heart I love...and honestly, I don't think people love me for anything less than that as well. BUT just knowing that is not enough for me to want to stay here. That I do not judge my female friends on THEIR appearance, does not give me license to be happy with MINE.

And so it goes....I am heading myself, my thoughts, and my purpose, toward making CHOICES. Refusing to be deprived...or to even consider that word as I make CHOICES.


I am CHOOSING to MOVE...I'm walking with Leslie Sansone in the comfort of my own bedroom, as well as dancing like a crazy person in that same comfort with my new friend, Chantel Hobbs (check her out at chantelhobbs.com) -- and away from inquiring eyes. (this is not a show!)...Mark has been gracious and encouraging....and the Lord is ever faithful. I have actually looked forward to moving!! Chantel has inspired new 'believers' to make SMALL changes, one at a time....first, to start moving. 30 minites, Five-days-in-a-row for 30 days....thus establishing a new habit and routine...and by then a person should see some results...no other changes are required in Phase One. And I think that's what has really choked me in efforts-past...trying to do it all NOW, rather than making subtle changes and CHOICES.


So, as prescribed, I'm moving. Last week I did 2 days, then lost one; started again on Friday, so tomorrow will be the first Day 5-in-a-row!


I don't know how long it'll take me to lose this 80+ lbs....I'm just going to set my sights on THAT, and not the 'when'...changes take time. Longer for some than others...and while I'm not going to allow myself to just sloth-along, I'm also not putting myself under pressure to get there in what might be an unreasonable time-frame. Takes longer for some than others...but then we've
already established that.

So, my commitment for this first 30 days (which officially started Jan 12) is to move for 30 minutes at least 5-days-in-a-row. More would be good, too....but if I get too fanatical about it, I'll burn out so I must learn what it means to pace myself and be reasonable. I tend to be a bit manic in some areas...this is one of them.

Feel free to ask me how I'm doing. I welcome that...I NEED that. This really has nothing to do with YOU, but rather is my efforts toward being healthier and feeling better about myself FOR myself, for MARK, and for my kids. I want to shop other than the Plus section, want to look foward to the pool days this summer (and our jaunts to FL)...I don't expect to look like Chantel, but less like what I am NOW is what I'm after.

So, welcome back to my world. I'll try not to bore you. But on the other hand, writing out my thoughts, whether anyone reads them or not, might be therapy enough to keep me going. Seeing it in writing can do that.