Starting....again

Well, since we're no longer homeschooling I'm feeling my blog at homeschoolblogger is a bit fraudulent.

SO, with that in mind, I've decided to "take pen in hand" and journal my life once again. Maybe this will inspire some increased movement toward success in many areas. Will anyone read it? I have no idea....maybe it doesn't matter. Maybe its just for me. Either way, I think it'll help.

I really need some accountability for several things...none of which will surprise any of you reading this.

1. To make time for the Word -- every day!
2. To be sensitive to the Holy Spirit as He brings to mind those of you who need prayer
3. To be true to MYSELF in my NEW (for the 100th time) efforts toward healthier choice -- which include FOOD, MOVEMENT, and ATTITUDE.



My goal -- and I do think I should have one, is to lose 80 lbs. I'm tired of making excuses...tired of trying to convince myself that the people who love me do not judge me by my weight -- which is basically true, but its the other people who judge me because of it that bother me! Those of you who DO love me, somehow cannot outweigh the opinions of strangers who don't.

There are days when I can just ignore feeling crappy about myself...I can ignore the shame associated with having gotten here...when so many of the girls I went to college with (never mind HS) are slim and classy and chic. Last time I saw them, I felt AWFUL about myself. And maybe its only because Mark and I are not in the ministry anymore....but there was a clear deliniation of 'classes' -- there's no doubt in my mind. We, or "I" did not measure up. Sure they were 'nice', but they were disconnected.


Of course there is something to be said about going different directions in life and thus having less in common that one once did...so maybe its just that...but "I" felt crummy about myself and really did think it was all about me! (dumb? Probably...but hey, this is truth talking).


Funny, there are PLENTY of women in my life who are less-than-happy with themselves ... and I love them dearly in spite of that...I could not love them more if they were 80 lbs lighter. Its their heart I love...and honestly, I don't think people love me for anything less than that as well. BUT just knowing that is not enough for me to want to stay here. That I do not judge my female friends on THEIR appearance, does not give me license to be happy with MINE.

And so it goes....I am heading myself, my thoughts, and my purpose, toward making CHOICES. Refusing to be deprived...or to even consider that word as I make CHOICES.


I am CHOOSING to MOVE...I'm walking with Leslie Sansone in the comfort of my own bedroom, as well as dancing like a crazy person in that same comfort with my new friend, Chantel Hobbs (check her out at chantelhobbs.com) -- and away from inquiring eyes. (this is not a show!)...Mark has been gracious and encouraging....and the Lord is ever faithful. I have actually looked forward to moving!! Chantel has inspired new 'believers' to make SMALL changes, one at a time....first, to start moving. 30 minites, Five-days-in-a-row for 30 days....thus establishing a new habit and routine...and by then a person should see some results...no other changes are required in Phase One. And I think that's what has really choked me in efforts-past...trying to do it all NOW, rather than making subtle changes and CHOICES.


So, as prescribed, I'm moving. Last week I did 2 days, then lost one; started again on Friday, so tomorrow will be the first Day 5-in-a-row!


I don't know how long it'll take me to lose this 80+ lbs....I'm just going to set my sights on THAT, and not the 'when'...changes take time. Longer for some than others...and while I'm not going to allow myself to just sloth-along, I'm also not putting myself under pressure to get there in what might be an unreasonable time-frame. Takes longer for some than others...but then we've
already established that.

So, my commitment for this first 30 days (which officially started Jan 12) is to move for 30 minutes at least 5-days-in-a-row. More would be good, too....but if I get too fanatical about it, I'll burn out so I must learn what it means to pace myself and be reasonable. I tend to be a bit manic in some areas...this is one of them.

Feel free to ask me how I'm doing. I welcome that...I NEED that. This really has nothing to do with YOU, but rather is my efforts toward being healthier and feeling better about myself FOR myself, for MARK, and for my kids. I want to shop other than the Plus section, want to look foward to the pool days this summer (and our jaunts to FL)...I don't expect to look like Chantel, but less like what I am NOW is what I'm after.

So, welcome back to my world. I'll try not to bore you. But on the other hand, writing out my thoughts, whether anyone reads them or not, might be therapy enough to keep me going. Seeing it in writing can do that.